Without You
by randomle26
Summary: Kori advised, "This might not be what you want to hear, but it's not too late for you to make up with Dick. I know you guys don't want to be fighting over Christmas! He loves you. If you need a shoulder to cry on, just come over!" It was comforting that they all wanted to make sure I wasn't alone tonight, but…I just wanted my fiancé to come home for Christmas.


**AN: Here's my Teen Titans Xmas one shot…I'm uploading it early because I don't want you guys to be forced to read fanfiction on Christmas (that time is for your family and friends)**

**By the way, I know it's weird to mention one song and use another song as my tittle, but the song for my tittle is usually my inspiration!**

**Please ignore any errors and enjoy!**

**Song Used: Without You by Hey Monday**

* * *

_Bells are ringing, all I hear is your voice still singing.  
Moving on was no choice.  
So I'll make our tree just like we use to.  
Christmas just isn't the same, without you._

* * *

"_You'll barely notice I'm gone," he whispers as I cry into his uniform. I shake my head in denial, "You are a terrible liar you know that?"_

_He kisses my lips, tenderly. I want to show him how much I love him in that one kiss, but this won't be enough._

_He pulls away and puts his forehead to mine, "I'll be home for Christmas." I chuckle and wipe at my tears as he mentions my favorite Christmas song._

_I clench his shirt tightly in my fists as he wipes my tears, "And you'll be in my dreams."_

* * *

"Hey…it's me. I know you're probably busy, doing…something really important. I'm sorry…I'm stalling I just…I was hoping you'd answer and I could apologize or…I guess what I'm trying to say is…I'm sorry for what I said. I just miss you. And I love you so much. I…I hope you're having a good Christmas."

I hang up my Blackberry and wipe at my eyes. I'm grateful I turned down Kori's offer to spend Christmas with her and Garfield, her new roommate. I just…I didn't want people to see me crying.

I missed Richard. Right after college, Richard joined the Navy and has been away for…too long. I wonder what Spain looked like from his view (it was nice of his COs to pick a safe place).

Normally, my boyfriend did visit. He felt bad for leaving me alone in our apartment like this (and missing last Christmas); that was why he was always really nice to me on my birthday or important holidays he didn't miss.

Sure I would love to spend every moment with him…but he wanted to serve his country, which made me love him ten times more. I just wish he were here to see that.

Our last phone call, Richard told me he might be able to come home for Christmas _this_ time. I got upset when I heard some lady's voice on the other line asking Richard if he was going to be long with the phone. I just jumped to conclusions and we ended up having a (one-sided) fight. I hate that…now it's almost the holidays and he thinks I don't trust him.

I do trust him, and I love him so I'm sure he probably had a good reason as to why some woman was in his room.

* * *

"_And he kept crying and didn't stop until I held his hand. I swear, Dick, eight year-olds about to have their shots are so adorable!" _

_Richard laughs joyously at my story on how I kept Tyler, one of my first patients, from crying over a needle. I'm grateful that while Richard was with the navy, I was with my nurse co-workers at the hospital (with the sweetest patients)._

"_That must be your superpower, Rae. You can prevent kids from crying just with one touch!" I laugh, "If anything, I want my power to be telekinesis. It doesn't sound like much work."_

_Richard sighs into my phone, "I miss you, baby. So…so much." I bite my lip holding back some tears, "I miss you too. Are you coming home for Christmas?" He takes a while to respond, "I asked my CO. There's a lot of work here at the ports in Rota." I nod and hope my lip's not bleeding from biting it so hard, "I just…I want to see you. And you're usually visiting and…"_

"_I know, honey. It's killing me that you're all by yourself. Why don't you hang out with Roy?"_

_I shake my head, "He has Lian for the holidays. I'm visiting during New Years though. I doubt you'll be able to come to his party then." I can practically hear the wheels in his head turning, "What about Kori? Or Toni? Or Karen?"_

"_Karen and Victor are visiting some relatives in Alaska. Toni's back from backpacking in South America with Wally. And Kori's having her annual Christmas Party…you know I love Kori, i just don't love her food."_

"_I know, honey. Just try to be open-minded," Richard argues._

"_I know I should be, but I can't help it. You're usually here to-"_

"_Dick! How long are you going to be on that damn phone?!" screeches a high-pitched voice._

_I raise my eyebrow at that feminine voice, "Who…who was that?" Richard responds casually, "Just Terra. Anyway, Barbara said she wanted another girl's night with you, maybe you could do that?"_

"_Who's Terra?" I ask, completely ignoring his comment about Barbara (but silently reminding myself to talk to her)._

"_Just some girl I'm working with, why?"_

"_How come I've never heard of her?" I hear Dick chuckle, "Rae, are you jealous?" I clench the phone tighter, "Should I be?" He chuckles again, "Honey, that's cute."_

"_I'm glad you're finding this amusing," I respond sarcastically with a hint of anger._

_He doesn't pick up on that hint. _"_She works just below me on the ship?"_

"_She does what now?" I ask, realizing I sound like Monica from FRIENDS. (I actually loved that episode, The One With the Christmas in Tulsa.) Richard sighs, "She works underneath my level on the ship. It's no big deal."_

"_It is a big deal when my fiancé keeps secrets about women I've never met."_

"_Rae," Richard cautions, "I love you. Terra's just a coworker."_

"_Dick, are you done with the phone yet?" If she talks again, I'm going to reach into the phone and pull out her vocal chords._

"_You know what, Dick…why don't you go back to your coworker? She sounds like she really needs you."_

"_Rae, I'm not going to hang up if you're mad at me."_

_I laugh sarcastically, "Why would I be mad?" I can virtually see him rolling his eyes, "Raven you're mad. Why are you mad, honey?" Now the way he calls me honey is a little nauseating. _

"_Oh just that my fiancé is working with some random stranger I've never met, gotta go. Bye!" I hang up the phone before Dick can respond. _

_Throwing the phone at the floor, I slide down against the cabinets and sob into my arms as I pull my knees to my chest._

* * *

Richard would never cheat. I don't think he would, anyway. When we were dating in college, the only time he would actually kiss another girl (that I knew about) was when Karen would stupidly suggest we play _Spin the Bottle_.

I was being stupid and jealous, but I think I have reasoning. I was just so angry at the fact that some woman, who I've never met nor seen, is spending time with my _fiancé_ while I'm here alone in our apartment.

After that day, I tried talking to Richard but he wouldn't answer my calls or my texts. I wondered if they were still docked or not. If something happened at the port…I would never forgive myself. He could've died, or been seriously injured, and he would die thinking I'm still mad at him. I didn't even tell him how I loved him and how I was sorry for accusing him of cheating.

I stare down at the diamond ring on my finger. I never took the (expensive) thing off, hell I think there's a pale ring around my finger from where the ring was. Now I wish more than ever that he was here with me.

* * *

_He had just got the letter telling him he would be sailing to Spain, and we had been inseparable since. _

"_Remember how we first me?" asks Richard as we're walking hand in hand on the beach. I smile up at Richard, "You mean how you paid Vic to spill a drink on me so you come crashing in like a superhero?" I see a light shade of pink on his cheeks causing me to laugh, "You know it took me three hours to wash out Coke and Rum?" His blush heightens, "Hey…you talked to me, didn't you?" I playfully push his arm, "Yeah you had the napkins!"_

_Richard encases me into a big hug. I bet we looked stupid: a couple of young adults swaying together on the beach. On top of that, Richard looses his balance so I fall on top of him when he lands on the sand. It hurt more because he was carrying my heels and they were now piercing into my back._

_I groan and roll over so I'm on my side in the sand. Richard's on his side smiling down at me. He places his arm around my waist, "You're so beautiful. Like an angel." I move some hair out of my face, "I'm not…" Richard rolls his eyes when my voice trails off, "Yes you are…you're the most beautiful girl I've ever met. And you're also the sweetest. You're going to be a great doctor one day." I smile. _

_He plays with my fingers in one hand. He stares at my naked hand and blurts, "Marry me."_

_My eyes go wide, "…what?" He looks at me, his eyes filled with want, "Marry me."_

_He pulls me closer, so my forearms are against his chest, "I don't want to be with anyone else, and I like the idea of us being so committed to each other. So…why don't we get married?"_

"_But…you're going to be leaving soon…" Richard sighs, "And I can't wait that long to ask you."_

_I sit up and stare at him, "You were going to ask me after your trip?" He nods confidently, "Yeah, but then I changed my mind. I want to spend the rest of my life with you and I don't want to waste another minute." He sits up and takes my hands. I wipe my eyes of tears preparing to fall, "I do too. But…"_

_He puts his fingers on my lips, "But what?" I lean into him and he wraps his arms around me, "But you're leaving soon. I don't…I don't want you worrying about a relationship while you're in Spain. Hay muchas chicas bonitas en España." Richard laughs and nuzzles my neck, "Te amo, Raven. I don't want to lose you."_

"_And I don't want to lose you either, Dick. I just…this is really sudden…"_

_He pulls my chin up, "Are you saying 'no'?" I look into his baby blue eyes, which are just blue pools of love. I shake my head, "I…I could never say 'no' to you."_

_Richard's stern face turns into a radiant smile. Tightening his arms around me, he pulls me back so we're lying on the beach. He kisses my ear, "I know I'm going to be gone for a while, but just think: we'll get married and I'll make it up to you for leaving later. You can pick everything you want for the wedding."_

_I kiss his neck, "That's something we should do together." He shakes his head, "No, you pick if it'll make you happy. I don't really care, I just want us to say 'I Do' in front of our friends and family."_

_I sigh against the love of my life, "Even if it's a black and blue wedding." He laughs heartily, "I would really like that. Who else gets to say they had a black and blue colored wedding?"_

* * *

I wipe at my eyes of any tears towards the memory. But I know it's really pathetic if I just sit here and mope.

I stand up and walk over to my TV. I click on the stereo and put in the _Hey Monday_ _Christmas EP_. It's not traditional Christmas music, but I do love it.

_I wanted you here beside me, cause this time of the year gets so cold  
Everyone is smiling so brightly, can't pick myself off the floor.  
You walked out in November, and I just let you go  
I was the biggest mistake, because_

_Bells are ringing, all I hear is your voice still singing._  
_Moving on was no choice._  
_So I'll make our tree just like we use to._  
_Christmas just isn't the same, without you._

_December makes me remember the way your eyes lit up the snow.  
You always promised forever, but I guess I'll never know._

I hear my phone beep once again. I notice I've had a lot of messages that I missed out on while I was crying and reminiscing.

Barbara cheerfully invited, _"Hope you're enjoying your holiday! One more day and it's Christmas. We miss you and Dick. Jason, Tim, Bruce, and I would love to have you guys over for Christmas. Call me if you want to come over or if you just want to talk."_

Kori advised, _"This might not be what you want to hear, but it's not too late for you to make up with Dick. I know you guys don't want to be fighting on Christmas! He loves you. If you need a shoulder to cry on, just come over!"_

Karen said, _"Hey girl! The girls and I want you to join us on our traditional After-Christmas brunch on the 26__th__. I heard from everyone and hope it might take your mind off of things. Just know that we all love you, Rae. Don't hide from us."_

Toni called, _"Hey Rae. I know you're probably in your apartment missing Dick and all, but I talked to everyone and they heard that you got into a fight with him. I'm sorry, sweetie. C'mon over and we'll have a girl's Christmas. Hell I'll kick out Wally if you want; I'd be happy to kick him out. There's always room at the Toni motel! I'm not leaving my best friend alone on Christmas. Call. Now!"_

Finally, Roy's message comes, _"Hey Rae. Dick called and said you two got into a fight. He said he feels bad and you might need a best friend's shoulder…I know Toni's going to yell at me for that. But hey, Lian misses her Aunt Rae-Rae! Feel free to visit us, we have enough turkey…it's only two of us anyway…if that doesn't get you sad enough to come over I don't know what will. Love you, Rae."_

I loved that I have friends that care, but it also kinda annoyed me that they were talking about Richard and me behind our backs. It was comforting that they all wanted to make sure I wasn't alone tonight, but…I just wanted my fiancé to come home.

_They say this is the most wonderful time of the year, but I just want to disappear._  
_And I think I'm losing my mind, because_

_Bells are ringing, all I hear is your voice still singing._  
_Moving on was no choice._  
_So I'll make our tree just like we use to._  
_Christmas just isn't the same, without you._

_So what am I gonna do, can't go on like this_  
_Oh, might as well throw out the mistletoe, cause it reminds me of your kiss._

_Bells are ringing, all I hear is your voice still singing._  
_Moving on was no choice._  
_So I'll make our tree just like we use to._  
_Christmas just isn't the same, without you._

_Bells are ringing, all I hear is your voice still singing. (Without you)_  
_Moving on was no choice._  
_So I'll make our tree just like we use to._  
_Christmas just isn't the same, no, it isn't the same, it just isn't the same._

I love Hey Monday, but I had to turn off the speakers before I threw my shoes at it.

Grabbing the grey remote, I turn on the TV. Just as the next _Big Bang Theory_ episode is turning on, the program is interrupted.

"_We interrupt our regularly scheduled program to bring you this special news report. The navy port in Rota, Spain was bombed. No one knows who blew the port up, but we know for sure how many casualties there are…" _the news suddenly becomes silent to me.

Oh my god.

_Richard_.

My heart began to race and not in the good way. Everything I feared had just come true in a matter of seconds. Did he get my message? Does he know?

Oh god I can't think straight. My mind is clouded and I'm starting to feel dizzy. The room is starting to get hotter then the temperature that I set. Great, my left arm was hurting now. Oh god.

_Riiing!_

I grab my landline, "H-hello?" I recognize the voice immediately, "Raven! Did you hear the news?" I choke on a sob, "Yeah, Kori. I…I can't believe…I…I don't feel too good…"

"Raven? Raven!"

* * *

_Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep._

"_Raven?"_

I slowly begin opening my eyes to a shining bright light. My vision slowly becomes clear and I see that…I'm in a hospital room.

"Raven, thank god! I was worried sick!" I look over at Barbara, "What happened?" She puts her hand over mine soothingly, "Kori called. She said you heard the news about what happened in Rota. The doctor just said you had a mild heart attack."

I begin to panic and sweat again when Barbara mentions Rota, "I…the news! I…" Karen walks up and puts her hand gently on my arm, "Raven you need to relax." I shake my head, "I can't focus if…" Roy comes running in, with Lian following, "Hey, _he_'s here!"

I look at Barbara's smiling face, "Who's here?"

She smiles, "Dick." My eyes go wide giving Karen the chance to calmly push me against my pillow. I look up at my friends, "He…he's here? But he was…" Barbara giggles as she fluffs my pillow, "We thought so too. But apparently he landed just as the news alert came on."

I sigh and feel myself relax, "Oh god. I thought…" Karen smiles, "Don't worry, he's safe. You both are."

* * *

Soon, all my old friends left after visiting. Now it was just me, Toni and Wally. Toni was trying to force feed me hospital Jell-O.

"Rae I'm not going to let up until you at least get one spoonful!" demands Toni. Wally laughs and kisses her cheek. I find it kinda weird that my best friend got together with Dick's best friend, but it made double dating a helluva lot easier. I grimace at my best (girl) friend, "You can't make me eat that!"

The door opens, "Raven?" When Richard walks in, my mouth slightly drops giving Toni the perfect chance to stuff Jell-O into my mouth. I would curse at her but my mouth was full.

Dick smiles and rushes to my side, "Thank god you're okay." I smile and wipe any remaining Jell-O off my lip, "I could say the same about you."

"Not that we want to see you guys make-out or anything, but we're gonna go," exits Wally and Toni.

Richard sits next to me and puts my face in his hands, "I…I was gonna surprise you, but you already did that to me." "Believe me, Richard, this wasn't exactly the most positive way to surprise you, had I known you'd be here," I argue.

"I just…I can't believe…I was so worried," Richard gasps out. He leans in so his head is underneath my chin. He lets out silent sobs into my shoulder. I know most guys that cry can be a turn-off to some girls, but I found Richard crying endearing (and I'm not trying to be mean when I say that).

"I'm sorry. I was so worried that you were there and…" Richard cuts me off by placing his lips firmly on mine. He licks my bottom lip and I feel his need to taste me because I need to savor his taste as well.

We reluctantly separate from each other, and I run my hands through his hair, "I just can't believe you're here. With me." He smiles and kisses my fingers, "I would rather be with you than with anybody else. I love you."

I bit my lower lip, "I love you too. Did you get my message?" He nods, "I don't get what you need to apologize for." I sigh, "I was wrong to accuse you of those things. I know you would never cheat on me."

He sighs and kisses my temple, "I wouldn't dream of it, I love you too much. And I get it: you were upset. I would be upset too if I found out you were spending the holidays with another guy."

Moving his hands, he holds my face, "Don't ever scare me like that again." His thumb wipes some tears off my cheek as I say, "I just got so scared that I lost you and we were fighting and…"

He hushes me and kisses my lips chastely, "You could never lose me. But it's no use panicking yourself like that. I might be fine, but it would absolutely kill me if my _fiancé_ was at home in pain and I wasn't there for her. I don't want anyone or anything taking you away from me."

I move his hands from my face and pull him into a desperately needed hug. He sighs and kisses my scalp. I don't want to break the mood with a fight, but I need to let my thoughts out, "Were you…with…?" Richard gets it and sighs against my hair, "I would never do that to you." I kiss his neck, "Thank you."

I look at the TV in my hospital room. The news was on showing about some big Christmas lighting. I look at the mini calendar on the small desk near me. Huh…it's Christmas already! I look over at my fiancé, who's staring at me in concern.

"Are you staying here the entire holiday? I understand if you need to leave." He pulls me forward, "Why would I leave?" I shrug gloomily, "Some people believe that whatever you do on New Years, you should do for the rest of the year. I don't want you to…"

He kisses me once again causing the rest of that sentence to disappear. I sigh against him when he pulls away and wraps his arms tighter, "I'm staying home. I'm not going back to Spain."

"But what about the navy?" I ask. He squeezes me tighter against him, "You're always more important to me. After I heard what happened to you, I requested a teaching job at the navy academy. If we're going to be married, I need to be close to you so I can easily look after you." I look up at my fiancé, "So you're staying?"

He smiles down at me, "I'm staying. I'm not leaving you again. And I can't fathom the idea of spending another holiday without you."

* * *

**How was that? I know it wasn't entirely Christmas themed…but it's the thought that counts! And i'm sorry if my Spanish is wrong…**

**I know Richard and Raven sound really overemotional, but I think it's understandable.**

**Remember: don't spend your entire holidays reading fanfiction; the holidays are for families and friends to spend time together!**

**Please read and review!**


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